The Chocobo Misadventures
by Aniyu Shadowraven
Summary: Hilarity and the occasional bit of fluff ensues when the characters can't control their Chocobos. May include yaoi, haven't decided yet. DISCONTINUED DUE TO LACK OF INTEREST
1. Lady Ashe

**Aniyu: This is something that begged to be written since the first time I saw Balthier on a Chocobo.**

**Balthier: ...Should I be insulted?...**

**Anayi: (shrugs) Probably.**

**Aniyu: This will be a series of short ficlets centered around each character, even guests. Each of them, at some point or another, will have issues with their Chocobo...or vice versa.**

**FFXII Cast: (monotone) Yay.**

**Aniyu: The first lucky vic-er, volunteer, is... (draws out of a hat) Ashe!**

**Ashe: What?! Why can't the sky pirate go first?!**

**Anayi: Oh quit whining and do the disclaimer Princess Bitch.**

**Ashe: (growling) Aniyu doesn't own FFXII, thank the Dynast-King.**

**Fran: Be forewarned, this may include what Aniyu refers to as yaoi. Please do not read if this troubles you. Otherwise, proceed.**

The Chocobo Misadventures of:

Lady Ashe

It started as a peaceful day in the Giza Plains. The Dry had just arrived, and the nomads were finished settling in, still exhausted from their journey back. All was quiet, and the only noticeable movement was of the occasional Hyena, prowling for food.

"You thrice-damned excuse for a Cockatrice!!"

That is, until the very loud screech of a very angry hume-female sounded over the Plains.

Every beast from the Happy Bunnies to the Werewolves instantly awoke and ran in a panicked flurry toward new hiding places. If the nomads had looked, they would have been stunned to see the mighty Werewolves drop their swords to cover their ears, howling in fright.

Who was this hume-female? The supposed-to-be-dead Princess Ashe of Dalmasca, and she was both a frightening and hilarious sight to behold. She was disheveled, struggling to hold her mount's reins, and her face was steadily turning a very unflattering shade of red. The Chocobo was making a large racket, flapping and stomping wildly with every step, obviously trying to dislodge it's rider.

How was this frightening? Well, there is a reason why even the most terrifying beasts would not anger a Chocobo. As for Ashe...let's just say that you wouldn't want to be within 200 meters of her when she is truly furious...there's usually several Thundarga Spells involved.

You may be wondering why she was riding a Chocobo through Giza at all. Well, her group of comrades were planning to use the day to restock supplies and rest before they would go on a hunt. Ashe was, of course, impatient to start, though she had scolded Vaan for "wasting her time with meaningless distractions".

Ashe decided to go ahead and track the beast, spotted in the Ozmone Plain, so the hunt wouldn't take as long. It was just her luck that Chocobos weren't very thrilled with having riders with poor dispositions.

The princess was ready to charge up a Thundarga Spell, and the Chocobo decided it had had enough. Just outside the entrance to the Ozmone Plain, the poor bird gave a large buck and threw Ashe off it's back. It ran off for Rabanastre the second she landed on her ass with a shout of rage and pain.

She sat there fuming, faint sparks of her spell flashing around her like fireflies. A few minutes later, the three males of her entourage rode over on three, perfectly complacent Chocobos.

"Are you all right, your Majesty?" Basch had his usual look of concern, but it was shadowed by caution at the sight of the sparks.

"I thought we agreed that today was for preparation, Ashe. How come you left early?" Vaan looked curious, but started to worry as the sparks around her flashed more violently. He and Basch started to carefully back their Chocobos away.

Balthier, for some reason, either ignored their actions, or was oblivious to the danger.

"I see you managed to lose your ride. Seems we're not the only ones who aren't fond of your impatience."

The other two males wondered if Balthier had written his will.

"THAT'S IT!!" Balthier seemed to finally realize his peril and immediately urged his Chocobo to sprint back to Rabanastre. "THUNDARGA!!"

Vaan was forced to jump from his mount to spare himself and the bird the pain of the thunder spell, and was thankful for Basch's presence as the knight caught him. As they watched Ashe chase Balthier, Vaan decided to voice his thoughts.

"I really don't think Ashe should ride solo on a Chocobo anymore." "Agreed."

END Part 1

**Aniyu: Looks like you don't have much of a way with animals.**

**Ashe: (boiling mad)**

**Balthier: That was completely unfair. Why did I have to be the victim of her anger?**

**Aniyu: (shrug) Because it was either you or Vaan, and I picked you.**

**Balthier: (pout)**

**Vaan: Please R&R! She's less likely to lose her mind if you do.**


	2. Lord Larsa

**Penelo: Uh oh, she's back...**

**Aniyu: Yep! And this time, Larsa has issues with his Chocobo, through no fault of the bird.**

**Larsa: Oh dear...**

**Aniyu: And simply because I like the pairing, there will be shades of Larsa/Penelo in this one. Enjoy!**

The Chocobo Misadventures Of:

Lord Larsa

"Is Lady Ashe always so...depressed?"

Vaan and Penelo looked at Larsa, then back at Ashe, and then at each other. It was Penelo who answered. "I wouldn't call it _'depressed'_ really... She's just always caught up in her thoughts, regretting the past..."

Larsa nodded in acknowledgement, but still looked concerned. This time, Vaan spoke. "She's like this whenever there's nothing to distract her mind. And seeing as she's riding passenger with Fran, that gives her a lot of time to brood."

The three were quiet for a few minutes, Larsa wondering if maybe he should go speak to Ashe. "Either that, or she's just moping about not being allowed to ride solo anymore. Her last Chocobo nearly ended up as fried bird after all."

"_What_?"

Vaan looked to see Larsa and Penelo with expressions of confusion and shock. Hoping Ashe didn't overhear him, he grinned and continued.

"Yeah; see, I'm a Mark Hunter, part of Clan Centurio. To earn a lot of the gil we use for all these trips, I find information on Marks and we go hunt them down. Well, before we decided to leave for the Garif Village, I found out about a Mark that had been spotted in Ozmone Plain and mentioned it to the others, who agreed that we could use the gil, and it would get a possible threat out of the way... Or rather, everyone but Ashe agreed."

Penelo nodded. "I knew that; I was there when she yelled at you, saying you needed _'to stop wasting time with meaningless distractions'_. I think she called you a street-rat again, too."

Larsa looked at Vaan with wide-eyed shock. _'Could Lady Ashe really be so rude?'_

The silver-blonde teen snickered a little. "Yes she did, don't be so surprised Larsa. Anyway, we decided to use the next day to stock supplies and rest up. I guess Ashe thought that would waste too much time; she snuck off early in the morning, rented a Chocobo, and left for Giza. As you probably know, Chocobos get very anxious and flustered when their riders either aren't paying attention, or have the air of a bad mood. The Chocobo apparently bucked her off once it had annoyed her to the point where she was ready to cast Thundarga."

Penelo also looked surprised at this point, but she and Larsa were both starting to grin from whatever they were picturing in their heads.

"By that point, we had noticed her absence, and I had a hunch of where she might have gone. Basch, Balthier, and I rented Chocobos and went into Giza to find her. We found her near the entrance to Ozmone Plain, which had been cleared by a brief Rain while we were away. Well, she was still angry and had the Thundarga spell charged; Balthier opened his mouth and said something surprisingly stupid and that set her to chasing him and his Chocobo throughout Giza, casting Thundarga the whole time."

Now Larsa and Penelo were trying to hold in obvious laughter, and Vaan was grinning. None of the three noticed the discomfort of Larsa's mount.

"It was rather hilarious. Basch and I decided Ashe wasn't allowed to ride alone anymore after that. I think Balthier was happy with that, seeing as he was crispy and smoldering by the time we returned to the tavern's inn."

That was all it took for Penelo and Larsa to start laughing, and Vaan joined them in seconds. Unfortunately, Larsa couldn't keep still while laughing, and ended up sharply kicking his Chocobo. As you can imagine, the Chocobo didn't like that and bucked wildly.

Larsa was thrown off and crashed into Penelo, who had fallen in behind him while laughing, and both fell to the ground hard. Larsa's mount ruffled its feathers at them before haughtily kicking at the dirt and dashing back to Jahara. The two fallen riders were too busy blushing and scrambling over each other to stand to notice.

Vaan pulled his mount to a halt, struggling not to burst out in even more laughter. The others were all looking at the three youngest members of the entourage in shock, before Basch quickly caught up to them.

"Are you both all right? What happened?"

When it was obvious the two blushing teens weren't going to answer, the knight turned to Vaan. "Oh, Larsa just found something a little funny and accidently kicked his Chocobo." Basch sighed with a fond smile.

"I see. Well, it seems you'll need to ride with Penelo, Lord Larsa."

After a few moments, the two were remounted on Penelo's Chocobo, Larsa sitting in front with a slight blush as Penelo held on to his waist. The girl in question was blushing as brightly as Belias' armor, and Vaan had to snicker at them.

"So Larsa, when's the wedding?"

The others all laughed as they watched Vaan urge his mount to sprint for the entrance to Golmore Jungle, followed closely by a raving Larsa and Penelo.

END Part 2

**Aniyu: (chuckling) You just had to say it, didn't you Vaan?**

**Vaan: (nervously laughing) Couldn't help it, I guess.**

**Anayi: Please R&R!**


	3. Captain Vossler

**Aniyu: We're back!**

**FFXII Cast: Boo.**

**Anayi: How rude.**

**Aniyu: Next up is...(snickers) oh I'll enjoy this. Vossler!**

**Vossler: ...NNNnnnnnoooooooooo!!**

The Chocobo Misadventures Of:

Captain Vossler

"I think I'll walk."

The group turned to look at Vossler in surprise. They weren't very far into the Ogir-Yensa Sandsea when they found a few wayward Chocobos. Fran had sensed an incoming sandstorm, so everyone agreed they needed to get across the sandsea as quickly as possible, making the appearance of the Chocobos a blessing. But Vossler didn't seem to agree.

"You did hear Fran say a sandstorm was coming in, right? The Chocobos will be the fastest way to find shelter." Balthier's tone was sarcastic as he stared at the large man incredulously.

"I heard her perfectly fine, pirate; but I have no desire to ride a Chocobo." Vaan quickly inched away from the obviously irritated Vossler, finding safety at Basch's side.

There was silence for a few moments as Balthier and Vossler glared at each other. Suddenly, the silence was broken by Penelo's exclamation. "I get it! You're afraid of them!"

A very shocked silence ensued at that.

Ashe held her chin thoughtfully. "That would explain why he's always refused to ride a Chocobo every time the Resistance rented some."

Vossler flapped his arms wildly, looking like a very crazed bird. "I AM NOT!"

Vaan leaned against Basch in an attempt to conceal his mirth, his shoulders shaking minutely. Balthier had a smug grin on his face and even Fran was trying not to smirk. Penelo, who had hidden behind Fran at Vossler's glare, was lightly giggling.

The captain growled under his breath. "Just get on the bloody birds."

Everyone complied, still feeling varying levels of amusement. Penelo mounted behind Ashe, feeling that would be safest. Fran allowed Balthier to ride with her, as usual, and Vaan climbed on behind Basch. There was one more Chocobo, and everyone looked at Vossler expectantly.

Gritting his teeth, Vossler mounted the bright yellow bird and he seemed to be the only one to see a mischievous look in its eyes. The group started to move, Vossler giving the bird a light nudge to get it moving.

That's when the ride turned interesting. The Chocobo squawked loudly and took off at full sprint. Vossler was clinging to its neck, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"How do you stop this crazy beast?!"

Penelo and Ash both fell off their Chocobo, landing in undignified heaps with gales of laughter. Balthier was also laughing, but Fran kept him on the Chocobo. Vaan and Basch both chuckled before Vaan leapt over to Ashe and Penelo's mount. Urging the bird forward, he quickly caught up to the rampant Chocobo and grabbed the reigns.

"Calm down. Easy, easy boy."

The Chocobo immediately halted and Vossler rolled off, glaring at the bird as it settled its head against Vaan's thigh. The teen stroked its feathers soothingly, chuckling at Vossler's disgruntled expression.

"I know you aren't fond of my companion, but please bear him until we reach shelter."

Vossler grudgingly remounted and the two returned to the others. Vaan returned to his perch behind Basch, still chuckling. "Maybe Vossler has good reason not to ride Chocobos. They don't like him."

Basch snickered, ignoring the glare Vossler shot at them.

END Part 3

**Aniyu: Couldn't help myself.**

**Vossler: (draws sword menacingly)**

**Anayi: (raises an eyebrow) Compensating for something?**

**FFXII Cast: LOL!**

**Aniyu: (struggling with laughter) P-Please R&R...LOL!**


	4. Sky Pirate Fran

**Aniyu: It's that time again!!**

**Vaan: Who's getting tortured this time?**

**Anayi: (draws another name) Fran apparently.**

**Fran: (sighs) If I must.**

The Chocobo Misadventures Of:

Sky Pirate Fran

"Fran, was that really necessary?"

The Vierra chose not to answer as her companions coughed and brushed the soot off of their armor. The Chocobos were standing stock still, eyeing the smoldering tail feathers of their kin fearfully.

You may be wondering what happened. Well the day started normal enough, the group had planned to head for the Stillshrine, having heard word that the Feral Retriever was spotted near there. They rented Chocobos from Gurdy, and had been loading their equipment and supplies as they usually did.

Fran had finished first and had reached forward to mount the bird when it took several steps forward. The Vierra looked at it, puzzled, but followed after it and tried again. Again, as she went to mount, the Chocobo walked forward several steps. This went on for a few minutes, the rest of the party taking notice when Fran and the bird had exited the Sand-Strewn Pass.

Curious, they had led their Chocobos after her, wondering what she was doing.

After about the sixth time, Fran was sufficiently annoyed. "Take heed, bird: if you continue this, you will not enjoy the consequences."

The others noticed the Vierra's patience had worn dangerously thin and Balthier stepped forward to try and calm her.

"Fran, now's really not a good time to lose your temper."

Balthier's partner started to calm down but she growled lowly as the Chocobo once again moved away. "Enough. FIRA!"

The Chocobo ran around in a panic, kicking up snow to put the flames out. Fran's companions all shouted in either panic, shock, or indigence as they patted down the flames that latched on to them.

It was safe to say the Chocobo didn't try to move away again as Fran finally mounted.

"Shall we be off?"

END Part 4

**Aniyu: I had trouble with Fran, since I doubt she's prone to having trouble with animals.**

**Fran: I do not.**

**Aniyu: (shrugs) Anyway, R&R please!**


End file.
